Too cold? What is this world coming to?

I’m confused. Recently, one of Minnesota’s premier winter events, the St. Paul Winter Carnival, cancelled parts of this year’s celebration because of . . . winter. Cold weather to be specific.
Umm. Aren’t we supposed to celebrate winter at a winter carnival?
Minnesotans take perverse pleasure in being more miserable than anyone else during the long winter months. We take an inexplicable joy of being regularly labeled the coldest spot in the lower 48 states.
I was in International Falls last week (yes, on purpose) and sat in with a bunch of retired coffee drinkers. I asked them the big question: ‘Who’s colder, the Falls or Embarrass?”
“Neither,” one old duffer grumbled. “Some place in Colorado claims to be the coldest. We had to buy them out.”
Apparently, it cost the Falls some money to buy the copyright to the “Icebox of the Nation” claim. I didn’t know frigid cold was a commodity.
Anyway, back to embracing the cold.
Why do Minnesotans run races like, “Freeze Your Gizzard in the Blizzard,” at International Falls in January or trek through the winter woods of northern Minnesota on fat-tired bicycles, on foot or on skis over a 135-mile trail that ends in Tower, Minn., risking frostbite or even death?
Why do Minnesotans bowl on icy streets with frozen Butterball turkeys? Or play broom ball on ice rinks, whacking each other in the shins with frozen, sawed-off brooms that act more like weapons than sporting equipment?
Because we can, that’s why!
Not so in the metro area apparently. If the temperatures dip below zero for several days, with a little wind, all of a sudden it’s too cold for man or beast to be out at the St. Paul Winter Carnival so they retreat indoors. Really?
If one factors in all the hot air generated from the Minnesota State Capitol, it should have warmed up St. Paul and the Winter Carnival to the point of being tolerable. Not so.
What has happened can be blamed on global warming. After all, everything else is.
We have become soft. We can’t take the cold anymore.
Since the 1990s, outside of a few exceptions, we have had mild winters in Minnesota. Outside of the “polar vortex” conditions in early February, we have not experienced those bone-chilling, extremity-numbing cold spells that anyone over 50 experienced every winter in Minnesota.
Heck, we never heard of “polar vortex” and was there any talk of “windchill.” All we knew it was cold, colder and “I think my brain froze!”
We now have a whole generation or two of pansies, who do not have enough sense to put on long underwear in November; who have no need for winter hats or gloves; who have no need for a winter coat because their vehicles are warmed up enough after idling for a half-hour.
Years ago, we didn’t know if our vehicles would even start let alone warm up.
Now, they don’t even have to leave the house to get the vehicle started. Just press a button, and then get an extra 10 minutes of sleep.
What is the world coming to?

Rich Glennie was the editor of The Chronicle for 23 years. He retired Aug. 1, 2014.